“What do you do in art class detention? Do you have to wash out paint brushes, or sharpen pencils, or what?”
“No, we do those things anyway. It’s like a study hall, only really horrible.”
“So you just sit, or do you have to write the names of the Dutch masters five hundred times or what?”
“Worse, way worse. They make us draw the worst things. Cliche art, completely mind numbing bad. We have to do motel art for one thing. You know, sad clowns and big-eyed kids? They threatened one guy, said
he’d have to do a Velvet Elvis! He got pretty upset, so they let him off with some washed out impressionist seascapes. He was actually shaking!”
“Well what about you? What did you have to do, or don’t you want to talk about it?”
“It was funny. They were real serious and told me I had to draw Snoopy. I knew what they wanted, what they expected. Snoopy on top of his dog house, or Snoopy dancing, you know something like that. So what I did instead was the Snoopy balloon, the one that’s used in the Macy’s Parade every Thanksgiving. All those balloons are stored in New Jersey you know, and only brought into Manhattan for the parade. So what I did was a painting of all the balloon handler clowns trying to get Snoopy into the Holland Tunnel. All these clowns straining away, pushing and shoving on Snoopy’s butt. trying to get him into the tunnel. Every clown had my teacher’s face.”
“Uh-ho…. how did that go over?”
“Good I guess. They gave me a pass for next week to use the 3-D printer in the library. I wonder how big I can make it?”
Doug Mathewson